he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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