I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
