addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
