no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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