just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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