just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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