Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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