God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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