Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
