I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
