The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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