ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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