if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
