Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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