it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
