I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
