Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
