he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
false alarm, still single
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
