Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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