$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
