She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
