WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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