if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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