The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
