I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
