Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she smelled like a LAN party
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
