If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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