No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
