he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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