I'm really into asian looking animals
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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