4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
