Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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