pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
