i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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