If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
