1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
