Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
In America we eat man semen.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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