Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
