how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
