Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
whose parrot is this?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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