Apparently you make a good broom.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
