The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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