I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
