i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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