I wanna passion pit in your ass
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
