What did we do last night that was yellow?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
