I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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