I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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