Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
