i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
