how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
