hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
