u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
